Tuesday, December 29, 2009
At 65 degrees above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Michigan plant gardens.
60 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Michigan sunbathe.
50 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Michigan drive with the windows down.
40 above zero:
Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Michigan throw on a flannel shirt.
35 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Michigan have the last cookout before it gets cold.
20 above zero:
People in Miami all die.
Michiganders close the windows.
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Michigan get out their winter coats.
10 below zero:
The Girl Scouts in Michigan are selling cookies door-to-door.
20 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Michigan let the dogs sleep indoors.
30 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Michiganders get upset because they can't start the snowmobile.
40 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops.
People in Michigan start saying...'Cold enough fer ya?'
50 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
The Detroit Lions win the Super Bowl.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
I wish I could credit the creator of this piece, but no one seems to know who's responsible for it. If it's you, please tell me; I always give proper attribution when available.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
I just returned from a short vacation to Las Vegas - one that included a plethora of little screw-ups, inconveniences and disappointments. Minor problems all, but annoying and frustrating nonetheless.
My friends and I stayed at a five-diamond resort in the lap of luxury and opulence. We had fine food and wine, gambled a little, shopped a lot and had fun despite the 'issues'. Yesterday, as we traveled to the airport in a Lincoln Navigator stretch limousine, we discussed what we didn't like about the resort and why we wouldn't stay there again. 'I didn't get the bed I requested.' 'The doorman didn't even help with the luggage!' Stuff like that. Then I had my first 'God's a funny guy' moment of the day...
As the limo driver unloaded our mountain of luggage, a pickup truck pulled up to the curb in front of us and a young couple got out. He was dressed in full desert camo and put an enormous pack on his back that looked like it must have weighed 200 pounds. They embraced and kissed for a few minutes before he turned and walked away. She cried. He cried. I cried. Then I thought, 'Will there be a doorman to help with the luggage where this soldier is going?' Of course not. I am free to ride around in fancy limos and whine about hotel doormen because brave young men like this one are at war for me.
Talk about God slapping you upside your head!
Later, as I sat on the small plane that would take me from Detroit to Flint, I commented to my friends that it was odd the seat next to me was vacant. Just minutes before, the airline had asked for someone to take a voluntary bump due to the flight being over-sold by one passenger. At the last possible minute, a handsome young man rushed down the aisle, stuffed his things in the overhead and sat down next to me. He told me how happy he was that he had made the flight so he didn't have to rent a car and drive home.
I asked if he had a long trip. 'Yes.', he said, 'I've been in Saudi Arabia for a year.' 'Are you military?', I asked. 'Yes.'
I shook his hand and said 'Thank you for what you're doing for me. I appreciate it.' It seemed to surprise him a little, so I told him I don't think our troops hear that enough. He agreed. (They don't.... so thank a soldier every chance you get!) The conversation then went something like this:
'Are you home for a while now?'
'Until after Christmas. Then I'm headed to Germany.'
'Well, Germany isn't home, but it's a lot better than Saudi Arabia.'
'That's for sure.'
'Germany has nice people and good beer.'
'Yeah! I was stationed there for a while before.'
'I've been to Germany. I liked it a lot. Never been to Saudi Arabia, though.'
'You wouldn't like Saudi Arabia. Worst country in the Middle East for women.'
'Yeah, I don't want to wear a Hefty bag.'
After takeoff, he started to doze, so I shut up and started thinking about my second 'God's a funny guy' moment of the day. This fine young soldier spent a year in Saudi Arabia - where women are chattel - so I can have the freedom to travel across the country with four girlfriends to enjoy the luxuries of one of the world's most extravagant cities. That really puts things in perspective!
God is indeed a funny guy... and I'm listening, Lord.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Quite simply, the president is squandering the trust the American people vested in him. It could not be otherwise when so many suspect he pulled the wool over their eyes to get elected.[snip]
One telling fact is that Obama has lost ground with every group except those who self-identify as liberal Democrats. Moderate and conservative Dems, along with independents and Republicans, are registering complaints. In that sense, it is unanimous he has turned left.Sorry to say this, but I told you so....
No Canadian family or home based business should have to endure what my family endured. On January 15, 2009, my wife Agnes answered the front door of our home and 4 RCMP officers, one with his gun drawn, burst through, the brute force even damaged our locking device.
I will never forget the terrifying look on the face of my wife; I have never seen her so afraid. To describe the panic that I felt is near impossible; I saw as my wife’s hands were raised over her head in surrender because an armed RCMP officer had a gun pointed to her chest yelling; “That is not cool, that is not cool.” I thought she was going to be killed. That day’s events have permanently scarred my memory and I live with the terror, thinking that it will happen again. I heard my wife say, “Please put the gun away! We are no harm to any of you. We are humanitarians, not criminals.”
The RCMP were clearing the way for Health Canada agents; they entered our home looking for vitamins, including Folic Acid and L-Carnitine, both ultra safe supplements. We sat restricted in our own home for 11 hours while Health Canada agents searched our entire residence, even violating the privacy of our bedroom. Our home safe was opened with RCMP supervision and our personal contents were photographed by Kim Selling (a Health Canada agent).
This, my friends, is what you get when the government is in charge of your 'health care'. Now is the time to protest, call, write, fax, e-mail.... anything you can to STOP the destruction of the American health care system.
Unless, of course, you really WANT to explain to a federal officer why you have that bottle of vitamins.....
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Hasan, the sole suspect in the massacre of 13 fellow US soldiers in Texas, attended the controversial Dar al-Hijrah mosque in Great Falls, Virginia, in 2001 at the same time as two of the September 11 terrorists..[snip]
The preacher at the time was Anwar al-Awlaki, an American-born Yemeni scholar who was banned from addressing a meeting in London by video link in August because he is accused of supporting attacks on British troops and backing terrorist organisations.[snip]
Hasan's eyes "lit up" when he mentioned his deep respect for al-Awlaki's teachings, according to a fellow Muslim officer at the Fort Hood base...[snip]
Al-Awlaki moved to Dar al-Hijrah as imam in January, 2001, from the west coast, and three months later the September 11 hijackers Nawaf al-Hamzi and Hani Hanjour began attending his services. A third hijacker attended his services in California.Wow. Do not, however, jump to conclusions about connections between Islam and the murders at Fort Hood. The President said we can't.... unlike his response to the Cambridge police officer who arrested his friend....
I don't know about you, Crumb Crunchers, but I'm not a big believer in coincidence. The Army, and apparently the FBI as well, had ample reason to be suspicious of Major Hasan for quite some time. By ignoring the warning signs - can't 'profile him', Islam is a religion of peace, wouldn't be PC and all like that - they may yet be proven complicit in his murderous rampage. Lord help us.
Parashat Vayeira (and He appeared) Genesis 18:1 – 22:24
Haftarah: II Kings 4:1-37
In last week’s blog, I spoke about G-d’s faithfulness to supply the resources that His people need to fulfill their obligations to Him. In this week’s prophetic reading, we learn that not only does He supply what we need to be faithful to Him, but He also supplies for our physical and emotional needs. In the Haftarah, there are two stories that focus on two families. In the first, the husband dies and leaves the family in debt. G-d meets this family’s needs through a unique miracle. In studying the scripture, not only is the miracle itself important, but also the manner of the miracle. Hence, it’s not only important that G-d miraculously met this family’s need, but there is revelation in how G-d met their need. Elisha was used by G-d to perform the miracle for the family. Notice that the creditor was never asked simply to forgive the debt, but G-d supplied what was necessary to fulfill the obligation. In other words, don’t ask G-d for a way out; but a solution to your problems that fulfills your obligations rather than beseeching one to set aside this obligation. One maintains a positive testimony; the other damages this testimony.
Elisha asked the woman, “What is in your house?” II Kings 4:2. In other words, Elisha used what the woman had in meeting the need. What does this reveal? Oftentimes the solution is before us. Notice that the miracle was not provided apart from the family engaging in labor. G-d greatly prefers to work with us in obtaining the solution rather than having us stand idly by. In other words, G-d does not bless idleness. If you carefully read this account, the amount of money that was provided to the family was directly related to the labor they performed.
In the second account, Elisha miraculously provides a child for a barren couple. The mother and father enjoyed their son for many years, until suddenly he died. Rather than being overcome and paralyzed by grief, the woman sought G-d in this time of emotional need. She departed from her home to find Elisha. In approaching Elisha’s home, the man of G-d saw her from afar. He inquired concerning her through his servant, asking, “Is all well with you?” Despite losing her only son, she answered, “All is well.” The word translated “well” is the Hebrew word “Shalom”. Her answer reveals that physical hardships should not be allowed to hinder our relationship with G-d. They may be the very means that G-d wants to use to deepen our relationship with Him. In the end, the son was raised from the dead and the family was reunited. Obviously this was quite the miracle. Unfortunately today, parents lose a child and they don’t see their child resurrected. However, for the believing family, it is only a matter of time. I believe the words of King David, when he lost one of his sons, are most relevant. David said, “Can I bring my son back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” II Samuel 12:23. Obviously this verse is a testimony of David’s faith in the resurrection of the dead in the last days and the great reunion that will take place in the Kingdom of G-d.
The man of faith knows that it is not a question of if G-d is going to meet my needs, but only a matter of when He will do so.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Milton Friedman could convey profound concepts in a sublimely concise and approachable way. Here are three examples that are most apropos for current events:
"If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand."Very wise guy, that Milton Friedman...
"Concentrated power is not rendered harmless by the good intentions of those who create it."
"Underlying most arguments against the free market is a lack of belief in freedom itself."
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
President Obama's presidential campaign focused on "making" the news media cover certain issues while rarely communicating anything to the press unless it was "controlled," White House Communications Director Anita Dunn disclosed to the Dominican government at a videotaped conference.Gee. We never saw that coming, Anita... In other news, the grass is green and the sky is blue!
"Very rarely did we communicate through the press anything that we didn't absolutely control," said Dunn.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Now, in 2009, I Own The World is pleased to present this updated version featuring President Barack Obama...
Saturday, October 10, 2009
It seems someone in Norway wanted to have a little fun at our expense. Well, we certainly fell for it! How embarrassing.
Now, as a public service, I would like to clarify that President Obama was actually awarded the 'No Balls Piece Pries'. He will be receiving a collection of DVDs, formatted to work only in European players, containing 1.4 million suggested ways to placate and appease one's enemies.
Doesn't that make a lot more sense?
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
10. Dead people can't vote at IOC meetings.
9. Obama was distracted by the 25 min. meeting with Gen. McChrystal.
8. Who cares if Obama couldn't talk the IOC into Chicago? He'll be able to talk Iran out of nukes.
7. The impediment is Israel still building settlements.
6. Obviously no president would have been able to accomplish it.
5. We've been quite clear and said all along that we didn't want the Olympics.
4. This isn't about the number of Olympics "lost", it's about the number of Olympics "saved" or "created".
3. Clearly there are not enough wise Latina judges on the committee.
2. Because the IOC is racist.
1. It's George Bush's fault.
Fr. Kingsbury is the Vicar of St. Barnabas The Apostle Anglican Church in California.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
With that in mind, and my sincere apologies to Edgar Allan Poe for poetic license taken, I offer the following commentary on Michigan's current down-to-the-wire budget negotiations.
Once upon a midday dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a politician's proposed budget fixes,
While I listened, nearly snapping, suddenly there came a yapping,
An irritating, droning yapping, yapping from my radio.
''Tis the Governor,' I muttered, 'yapping from my radio.'
Quote Ms. Granholm, 'Tax some more!'
Ah, distinctly I remember the elections that November,
And each brazen lie the Governor's campaign told.
Eagerly I wished for Wednesday and the news that she was history,
But the day was filled with sorrow - sorrow for the lost DeVos -
For the fine and decent candidate the voters did ignore.
Quote Ms. Granholm, 'Tax some more!'
Now my state is in a pickle, and with a Governor so fickle
Comes word she will not the reckless spending stop.
She wants instead to keep it lax and impose another tax.
Another tax upon the people? Let me tell you, that is evil!
We should have shown Jenny the door.
Quote Ms. Granholm, 'Tax some more!'
Residents will flee the state, and at Jenny's present rate
No one will be left at last, left to pay her lousy tax!
We'll remember - next November - all who pass a tax increase.
They will have to look for work; in 2010 their goose is cooked.
Say it with me, loud and clear: We won't take it, Governor!
Quote the people, 'Never More!'
Monday, September 28, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Ase imanu tzedakah
Be gracious unto us and answer us
For we are unworthy.
Deal with us in charity and loving-kindness
And save us.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
(Ecclesiastes 3, King James Version)
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
If you have graphics or photographs of your own signs you would like to share with the world, let me know and I can add them. You MUST be the legal owner of the images; no copyright or intellectual property infringements, please!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
"If it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the River, or (A)the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD." ~ Joshua 24:15 (NASB)Here's a video cavalcade of colossal stupidity; American B-list 'celebrities' pledging to serve Barack Obama! Well, I guess we know which choice they made. Fail.
Hey Hollywood, here's MY pledge. I pledge to refrain from buying, renting, watching or listening to any of your movies, videos, music or books. I have made my choice: as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
Tim James apologized for being late. A rough day at work, said the Miami Heat's 1999 first-round draft pick. Vehicles broke down, problems flared up, and he simply fell behind.
"It happens," James said. "Even here."
Even here -- on the front line of the Iraq war.
A former NBA player who often wondered about his true calling, Tim James is now a U.S. Army soldier, a transformation that even many of the people closest to him never saw coming.
"I got my degree, lived the life I was able, have my freedom and became a professional athlete," James said last week from Iraq. "I'm the example of the American dream."
"I think of myself as a patriot," James said. "I wanted to give back to a country that gave so much to me."
He never questioned if he was making the right decision.
"I have no doubts," James said. "I have no regrets. Not one bit."
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
July 31, 2009
Mr. MCCOTTER introduced the following bill; which was referred to the Committee on Ways and Means
- Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled,
SECTION 1. SHORT TITLE.
- This Act may be cited as the `Humanity and Pets Partnered Through the Years (HAPPY) Act'.
SEC. 2. FINDINGS.
- The Congress finds the following:
- (1) According to the 2007-2008 National Pet Owners Survey, 63 percent of United States households own a pet.
- (2) The Human-Animal Bond has been shown to have positive effects upon people's emotional and physical well-being.
SEC. 3. DEDUCTION FOR PET CARE EXPENSES.
- (a) In General- Part VII of subchapter B of chapter 1 of the Internal Revenue Code of 1986 (relating to additional itemized deductions for individuals) is amended by redesignating section 224 as section 225 and by inserting after section 223 the following new section:
`SEC. 224. PET CARE EXPENSES.
- `(a) Allowance of Deduction- In the case of an individual, there shall be allowed as a deduction for the taxable year an amount equal to the qualified pet care expenses of the taxpayer during the taxable year for any qualified pet of the taxpayer.
- `(b) Maximum Deduction- The amount allowable as a deduction under subsection (a) to the taxpayer for any taxable year shall not exceed $3,500.
- `(c) Qualified Pet Care Expenses- For purposes of this section, the term `qualified pet care expenses' means amounts paid in connection with providing care (including veterinary care) for a qualified pet other than any expense in connection with the acquisition of the qualified pet.
- `(d) Qualified Pet- For purposes of this section--
- `(1) QUALIFIED PET- The term `qualified pet' means a legally owned, domesticated, live animal.
- `(2) EXCEPTIONS- Such term does not include any animal--
- `(A) used for research or owned or utilized in conjunction with a trade or business, or
- `(B) with respect to which the taxpayer has claimed a deduction under section 162 or 213 in any of the preceding 3 taxable years.'.
- (b) Clerical Amendment- The table of sections for part VII of subchapter B of chapter 1 of such Code is amended by striking the last item and inserting the following new items:
- `Sec. 224. Pet care expenses.
- `Sec. 225. Cross reference.'.
- (c) Effective Date- The amendments made by this section shall apply to taxable years beginning after December 31, 2009.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
I’m hearing a very credible rumor that Leon Panetta has dispatched a resignation letter to Barack Obama on vacation.Very interesting. Stay tuned, Crumb Crunchers.
Panetta is said to be extremely angry about the possible prosecution of CIA officers doing their job and has decided to resign in protest.
The rumor is unconfirmed, but given the sourcing I think it is safe to treat it credibly.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Newsboys, 'In Christ Alone'
"In Christ Alone"
Words and Music by Keith Getty & Stuart Townend
Copyright © 2001 Kingsway Thankyou Music
In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.
In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.
There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.
No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
This summarizes it all rather well:
Obama's health care plan will be written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress that hasn't read it and whose members will be exempt from it, signed by a president who is a closet smoker, funded by a treasury chief who did not pay his taxes, overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, forced on people who don't want it and financed by a country that is nearly broke. What could possibly go wrong?
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Dr. Thomas Sowell is without question one of the wisest guys alive, as evidenced by his thoughts on some of the most controversial issues of the day:
"Capitalism knows only one color: that color is green; all else is necessarily subservient to it, hence, race, gender and ethnicity cannot be considered within it."
"If you have always believed that everyone should play by the same rules and be judged by the same standards, that would have gotten you labeled a radical 60 years ago, a liberal 30 years ago and a racist today."
"It is amazing that people who think we cannot afford to pay for doctors, hospitals, and medication somehow think that we can afford to pay for doctors, hospitals, medication and a government bureaucracy to administer it."
"Socialism in general has a record of failure so blatant that only an intellectual could ignore or evade it."
"The next time some academics tell you how important diversity is, ask how many Republicans there are in their sociology department."
"Would you bet your paycheck on a weather forecast for tomorrow? If not, then why should this country bet billions on global warming predictions that have even less foundation?"