Amateur Night

Well, kids...it's New Year's Eve - otherwise known as Amateur Night in the Cracker household. There will be a whole lotta people engaging in a whole lotta crazy later tonight. Grammy's advice? STAY HOME. Party your toes off in the warmth and safety of your own home. Then go to bed.

Hey. I hear that! But Grammy, it's no fun to stay home. All my friends are going out, and it's exciting, and they have free noise makers, and I bought a special outfit, and, and, and....

Whatever. If you must go out, remember the Amateur Night commandments:

1. The driver of your vehicle shall remain sober.
2. The drivers of all other vehicles shall be presumed drunk.

Following these two simple rules should help you get home safely. If you need more convincing, here's a visual for you - the Lynch & Sons Funeral Homes are offering free rides tonight. If you DO drink, don't drive! The Lynch family has cars and drivers waiting to give you a lift. Unless, of course, you'd rather wait and ride in one of their hearses.....

HAPPY NEW YEAR, CRUMB CRUNCHERS! Stay safe and have fun. I'll see you next year with fresh rants aplenty!

Diana Krall, 'What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?'