Well, kids...it's New Year's Eve - otherwise known as Amateur Night in the Cracker household. There will be a whole lotta people engaging in a whole lotta crazy later tonight. Grammy's advice? STAY HOME. Party your toes off in the warmth and safety of your own home. Then go to bed.
Hey. I hear that! But Grammy, it's no fun to stay home. All my friends are going out, and it's exciting, and they have free noise makers, and I bought a special outfit, and, and, and....
Whatever. If you must go out, remember the Amateur Night commandments:
- The driver of your vehicle shall remain sober.
- The drivers of all other vehicles shall be presumed drunk.
Diana Krall, 'What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?'